


Radish Me

by flootzavut



Series: Lie to NCIS [33]
Category: Lie to Me (TV), NCIS
Genre: Awesome Foursome, Crossover, F/M, Foursome, GxC, Humour, JxK, Kate Lives, Kibbs, Lie to NCIS, crossoververse, foursomeverse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2017-04-03
Packaged: 2018-10-14 14:01:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10537968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flootzavut/pseuds/flootzavut
Summary: Gillian and Cal have an in joke. Predictably, it gets out of hand...Crib notes for the fandom blindhere.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BadWolf303](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BadWolf303/gifts).



> for indulging my root vegetable related insanity and generally being a bad influence ❤️
> 
> I imagine regular readers are sick to the back teeth of my crib notes, so I'll just reiterate that they're available [here](http://archiveofourown.org/series/334084).

* * *

  _ **Radish Me**_

* * *

 

The first time it happens, it's a typo - or possibly not a typo, possibly just autocorrect trying to screw with her. She's in a good mood, feeling playful, and she shoots off a quick text,  _on way home to ravish you_ , because hey, why can't she be the ravisher instead of the ravishee? Gillian's a twenty-first century woman, and if she wants to ravish her man, no one is going to stop her.

As expected, her phone beeps before she's even left the parking lot. She grins in anticipation of how Cal will answer. Knowing him, it'll either be very rude, which will get him a playful slap (but she secretly sort of likes that she brings it out in him), or a begging plea to get home faster because he's oh so ready to be ravished.

_idk what that is but I'm here for it._

She frowns at the screen, then glances in her rear view mirror. Loker is right behind her, so she has to get going, then it's out into slow-moving DC traffic, and she has to wait until the next stoplight to unravel the mystery.

She scrolls up, sees the typo, and giggles. Okay, she told Cal she was going to radish him? In fairness, she can see why he was confused. Though she's a little concerned that he was up for it. What on earth did he think she planned to do with a radish? She's not sure she wants to know...

_*ravish. was a typo._

For the next few minutes, she's stuck in stop-start traffic, and although her cell beeps a couple of times, she can't do anything about it. When she finally hits another red light, there are three new messages. The first is from Kate, and usually Gill would stop to answer that first, but she's dying to know what Cal has to say about his enthusiasm for radishes, and about her ravishing him.

_oh. bugger._

_honestly, I was into it_.

She blinks a couple of times, then smiles despite herself. Idiot. But she can't complain about Cal being so up for anything she suggests that he'll agree to unspecified sex acts with small root vegetables.

(She may worry about it a little, but she definitely won't complain.)

Cal being Cal, he greets her at the door with a cheeky grin and a radish sticking out of his fly, but really, that's par for the course. She laughs and he does an extremely idiotic but somehow charming dance move which involves some rather comic hip thrusts, she tells him to quit messing and come to bed, and as far as she's concerned, that's the end of it. She rolls her eyes, he gets properly ravished, and no radishes are harmed in the process.

She really should have known better.

The next day, he brings her a salad for lunch, right there in the conference room where they're having a meeting, the cheeky sod. He grins in that 'I've done something naughty and I can't wait to be punished' way he has when he's being a mischievous little shit. Both Loker and Torres look back and forth between her and Cal several times, because he's not exactly hiding the fact he's done something for which he expects to get a reaction, and at first she's completely bemused.

It takes her several moments and an eyebrow waggle, then suddenly she realises he's garnished her salad with radishes. Lots of radishes. And she blushes so hard she's pretty sure her face is glowing.

The day after, he comments (loudly) that he's bought an extra-large bunch of radishes today, and does she want to come eat some in his office?

By Friday, Loker and Torres have not only worked out Cal's not-very-mysterious code for sex, but have somehow found ways to work radishes into day to day conversation in a way that's not blatant enough Gillian could threaten to discipline them, but way too knowing for her to overhear without turning beetroot (or possibly radish-coloured).

Kate and Gibbs are over at the Navy Yard, so they miss all the radish talk - of course, Cal actually serves them radishes when they come for dinner at the weekend; they both pick up that there's some significance they're missing to the makeup of this particular salad bowl, but Cal apparently doesn't feel the need to explain, and Gillian is not about to risk Gibbs thinking it's hilarious and starting to use it himself.

By the next week, no one at work is even pretending they don't know what radishes are code for, and when Cal announces (loudly and with relish) at the end of the workday that 'I'm really in the mood for some  _radishes_ ', she thinks she might actually die of embarrassment.

That night she goes home -  _home_  home - for the first time in over a month, and when she doesn't turn up at his place, she gets a series of frantic text messages from him thinking she's had an accident. She almost relents, then she remembers how every single person in the office knew he was planning and expecting to get lucky tonight, and steels herself to send a curt message explaining that she's fine, but isn't fond of her colleagues having an intimate knowledge of her vegetable eating habits, and that he'll have to eat his salad alone tonight.

Then she gets one more very sheepish text:

 _sorry. no more radishes at work_.

Life gets more peaceful after that. He still slips radishes into her meals whenever he gets the chance, and she doesn't have the heart to tell him that she's honestly gone off them by this point. Especially after he starts carving them into cute little toadstools, and nestling them into salads like tiny prizes. If she could keep them - have a collection of adorable radish toadstools in her office - then she'd really love that, but she doesn't want to end up with piles of rotting vegetables. She considers suggesting he starts making them in something a bit more durable than radish-flesh, but then she'd have to admit she's sick to the back teeth of eating the stupid things.

Eventually, his self-control snaps, mostly because Torres and Loker are doing the dance of will-they-won't-they again. (To her and Cal, it's very clear they won't, because Ria is no longer interested, but Loker is back on radical honesty, and apparently that also means hitting on Ria every time he feels like it, regardless of how unlikely he is ever to get anywhere.) Cal mutters under his breath for three days about how Loker's job description is supposed to be making his life easier, not harder, and then he stops even trying to be subtle.

"Love, I think Loker need some of your special radishes," he yells right through the reception area, just when she's meet-and-greeting a new and potentially very lucrative client. The client gives her an odd look, clearly bemused by the titters Cal's announcement produced from everyone within earshot. She takes them through to the conference room, makes up some excuse about how one of her colleagues is a new vegetarian, and resolves to talk to Cal tonight.

Granted, it's been a while since he last pulled a stunt like this, and it was sort of funny, and it wasn't, thank heaven, aimed at her, but it's a joke she could've lived without ever getting resurrected, and she really doesn't want him to start using it at work again. A few cute toadstools in her salad is one thing, but there's a time and a place, and that wasn't it.

She's going to tell him this time, no more radishes, the joke is over, she would like to be able to eat radishes without ribald comments or blushes or worrying someone is going to get more insight into her love life than is appropriate, or maybe she'd prefer to never look at a radish again in her life, because seriously? So over it.

And then she gets home, and calls out his name, and he yells "In here!" from the kitchen. And she goes and she looks and... oh.

Her heart turns into a gooey puddle of emotions, because damn him for being so sweet in such a Cal-like way and making it impossible to stay mad at him. He's made her an entire bouquet of radish roses.

The radishes are here to stay.

_~ fin ~_

**Author's Note:**

> This typo kept happening to me, then radishes started to show up in later stories, and basically it got away from me, so I had to figure out how the joke originated...
> 
> BadWolf303 gets the dubious credit of having come up with the original text conversation hehehe!


End file.
